When Questions Shouldn't be Asked

Today something that some would consider small or inconsequential happened and I let it really bother me.  In fact, the more I thought about it the bigger it became and the more mortified I felt.  Yes the word mortified came to mind!  That is a powerful word and you'd think the thing that happened to me today would be earth shattering but it wasn't.  Here's the story, names withheld to protect privacy (of course)....

One of my fellow co-workers come into the office today, a few of us who were in, chat a bit about the past weekend snow event.  See where I work we do snow removal services so having snow isn't just a weather happening, it's now embedded in my mind and is an event.  Anyhow, I think out loud that this one particular co-worker, who actually only reports to our office but is "managed" by a total separate office, could possibly lend us a hand in future snow events if he just so happened to be snow bound in St. Louis.  He is in a position of regional property management and covers a wide area from Kansas to Missouri and Arkansas (I believe).  But if we get a huge snow fall and he is unable to safely travel, I thought he may be interested in helping us out as he used to work for us.  I take it upon myself to simply send an inquiry email to his office administrator (my counterpart in the other office) to see if that would be something they wouldn't mind him doing.  Again in my email I explicitly state if he is snow bound in St. Louis.  I figured this administrator would simply ask the manager my question and respond back with a yes or a no.  No big deal right?  Think again. 

She forwards my email to her, with her rather negative commentary to her manager, her manager's manager and another person I am unfamiliar with.  She gets a reply email from one of these individuals in an ever growing negative tone copying all her "reply" people, plus my manager and my manager's manager.  She then forwards this to me with a short quip to the effect of -here's your response have a nice New Year.  Upon reading this and seeing all the people copied my heart drops like a lead weight to my stomach knowing what is now rolling down my hill towards me.  What was simply an inquiry has spun and taken momentum, it's been misconstrued and now there are those that I report to who are going to think that I have jumped the chain of command. 

I realize I now have defuse this and put it back in the context in which it was sent and how it was meant.  I hit reply (not to all but only to her), thank her for checking on my inquiry, mention that I was just trying to think "out of the box" and it never hurts to ask a question.  I finish with a light-hearted line or two about the upcoming holiday, wish her well and hit send.

My need to let this employee ,who I asked the question about, in on the email so he isn't blind-sided by his manager and higher up's is now my priority.  I copy him on the entire string of emails, apologizing basically and telling him I wasn't sure why the email had to be passed around but here is what my email has done.  My friend (this same employee) then walks in from his lunch and has just read my email to him and says to not worry about it that no one will remember by tomorrow.  But I feel horrible!  What if his manager thinks this was his idea, that he isn't focused on his job, but wanting to dibble dabble in our office?  I feel tears welling up in my eyes because I would never want to put anyone in that position, much less a friend.  I go sit back at my desk. 

At this point my manager walks in because he was just emailed by his manager, who is on vacation mind you. He is told that although this may have been an innocent question, he now needs to address to his team (me and the people in my office) that all inquiries like this need to go through him.  See, I knew this was coming when I opened up that email a while ago!  Just knew it! 

My last attempt to make things right is an email apologizing to my regional manager for putting him in a bad spot that I had only intended to ask a hypothetical question and only really expected back a polite yes, there were be no problem, or no, we would rather he not assist answer.  Thankfully upon reading my email to him, he replied back to me that he knew my intentions were good, appreciated my passion for my job but to just be sure to run my ideas through my manager first.  To say I felt a sense of relief is putting it mildly.  Again you may be thinking...it was just an email question gone awry...but I over analyze each and everything I do.  If my action causes another person grief in anyway, it bothers me and it bothers me a lot.  I don't know if my friend will read this post or not, but if so, please know I am sorry (again).

Which leads me to my bigger question.  Why do we (assuming anyone reading this does the same as me) make mountains out of mole hills?  Why are we quick to forgive others but hold ourselves to an impossible standard and find it hard to forgive ourselves?  This is something I struggle with a lot.  Whenever another person "wrongs me" or makes a mistake that affects me and apologizes, I nearly 99% of the time tell them to forget about it...it was no big deal...we all make mistakes...don't you worry.  Yet if it is me that makes the mistake or I "wrong" someone...Oh boy!  I worry about it, think it over front and back, tell myself that I should've known better, etc.  I guess I just need to learn the art of self-forgiveness, I am sure there is a book out there that I could read on that subject.   Thanks for listening to me today. 

2011: Resolution - Wish - Theme???

I've noticed quite a few of my friends and contacts are thinking about how they are going to start off another new year in their life.  Some of us make resolutions.  That's a great idea and kudos to all of those that can make and keep those.  In years past I have been known to make no resolutions at all or go the complete opposite and make a dozen resolutions in hopes that one or two would be things that I would actually make a habit and keep up with.  Confession time....I am not a good resolution keeper!  I am a pro at making a resolution but fall somewhat short on my carry through.

Looking further, I know some people make New Year wishes.  Well that is nice and sweet.  Not trying to be condescending, but I try to wish good things all the time.  Some call wishes hopes or prayers, but either way you think about them, it's still a nice sweet thing.  For the new year I want to do something more "substantial", more "definitive" than just wish because truth be told, I wish on the first star I see every night that there is a clear sky and have done so for as long as I can remember.  I wish on pennies that I find on the ground and pick up (find a penny, pick it up, and all day I'll have good luck).  Shoot when I find a larger denomination coin my wish value really sky rockets because I simply replace the word penny with whatever I find, let's say quarter, and my all day good luck is magically multiplied by the value of the coin.  So for a quarter, I get good luck for 25 days.  It works for me! :)

Then there is a trend I see growing - the New Year's theme!  I think I like it!  The theme could anything that you would like to improve on or pay special attention.  Some I have noticed others leaning towards are being thankful, or making more time for family, or simplifying.  All great ideas!  So I started thinking today what is the one thing that I could focus on this coming year that would really make a difference in my life and hopefully carry over to affect the lives of others? The one thing that kept coming to my mind was simply "DO"!  Yes, a two-letter word D - O. 

Now there are many of my family and friends who may think that I am always doing this or that and never take time to just relax and do nothing.  But when I think of DO, I think of all the things I have thought of doing and just let slip by and never acted on.  Some are simple things that would only take a moment.  For example today, when I thought of my 2011 theme, the first thing that came to mind was the task of opening a Christmas savings account.  Easy!  Been thinking that I should do this for probably 15 years or more.  Open an account, have a small amount of money automatically transferred from my checking into a saving account that I could use at the holidays to fund my shopping and not put a crimp in my pocketbook.  Well, my good intentions always stopped at the thought and never took me into the bank to make it happen.  How much effort could I possibly think it would've taken me to do this?  It's not like the banker wants a pint of blood or proof I can solve a Sudoku puzzle (which I can thank you very much).  Even as I considered opening that account today during my lunch, I had that negative talk in the back of my head that I wouldn't have time or the bank would be crowded at lunch, etc.  So I went online and guess what?  You can open an account online and it took less than 5 minutes.  Now one of my do's is done and I feel pretty good. 

Feeling good about myself is a nice thing, the better I feel, the better I treat others.  When I treat others more nicely, they are more pleasant.  When they are more pleasant...well maybe they will pay the good feelings forward?!  Could it be that my "DO" will be my opportunity to pay it forward?  I hope so and who knows maybe it just all started by opening up a $25 account?

My First Follower

My Mom

Honestly I wasn't sure if anyone would "follow" this or not and didn't really care.  Like I mentioned this may be an effort of journaling albeit probably censured a bit.  But what to my surprise, I log in this evening to find my mom as my first official follower.  Well isn't that perfect!  Who else but your mom should be first?  Sure a best friend or sister seems logical too but isn't your mom "usually" first to see you off on any adventure no matter the age?  Of course there are those who have lost their mother, may be estranged from their mother, or have just grown up with an absence of a mother figure for whatever reason.

Despite all the grief I have generously dished out to my mom over the past 44 years, she is my biggest fan.  She thinks all the things I have done in my life are spectacular or that I have been "brave" to do them, whereas I view the exact same things with a casual nonchalance.  Some of my achievements may be as simple as graduating high school, going off to college, and buying my first house on my own - all things that most people do, but gosh mom's do think these things are spectacular when their own kids are doing them.  Shouldn't we all celebrate all of our achievements through a mother's perspective?  Imagine how proud we would be of ourselves all the time?  Now I am not saying if I pull out my coloring book and box of 96 (which I have lots of both of those) and color a picture and stay in the lines, that I should hoot and holler and tell everyone about it but...what if I "as a grown up" proudly put my picture on the fridge as a mini-celebration? Wouldn't something as simple as that bring a smile to your face as you reached for the refrigerator door to grab the coffee creamer in the morning?  This may be my experiment for tonight, so off I run now, I've got a picture to color!

Giving it a go!

Being a follower of several blogs and having found such a spirit of comraderie and openness, I wanted to jump on the band wagon so to speak.  My only dilemna in starting a blog is 1: What to title it?  You wouldn't think that would be a big deal, but...you want it to be all encompassing yet simple. 2. What to blog about? Again, most blogs that I read follow a theme of some sort. 

In my opinion, a blog should reflect a topic the author is passionate about and that left me with an even bigger problem!  As a person who is mostly introverted, spends an enormous amount of time alone, I have found myself in a bit of "passion funk".

Over the years I have had activities and ideas that fit the bill but for one reason or another, most have faded into the background and are now shrouded by my self-imposed fog.  So it is with this blog, which I will assume will be mainly for the reading of my family, that I will just begin my journey into authoring a blog to simply share the moments of my life whether big or small, exciting or not so much so. 

If this leads to something more focused, well good - but if not, this will my open door to you to share in my life. 

Please feel free to leave comments, advice, or just a smile and may I add "Welcome aboard".