One of my fellow co-workers come into the office today, a few of us who were in, chat a bit about the past weekend snow event. See where I work we do snow removal services so having snow isn't just a weather happening, it's now embedded in my mind and is an event. Anyhow, I think out loud that this one particular co-worker, who actually only reports to our office but is "managed" by a total separate office, could possibly lend us a hand in future snow events if he just so happened to be snow bound in St. Louis. He is in a position of regional property management and covers a wide area from Kansas to Missouri and Arkansas (I believe). But if we get a huge snow fall and he is unable to safely travel, I thought he may be interested in helping us out as he used to work for us. I take it upon myself to simply send an inquiry email to his office administrator (my counterpart in the other office) to see if that would be something they wouldn't mind him doing. Again in my email I explicitly state if he is snow bound in St. Louis. I figured this administrator would simply ask the manager my question and respond back with a yes or a no. No big deal right? Think again.
She forwards my email to her, with her rather negative commentary to her manager, her manager's manager and another person I am unfamiliar with. She gets a reply email from one of these individuals in an ever growing negative tone copying all her "reply" people, plus my manager and my manager's manager. She then forwards this to me with a short quip to the effect of -here's your response have a nice New Year. Upon reading this and seeing all the people copied my heart drops like a lead weight to my stomach knowing what is now rolling down my hill towards me. What was simply an inquiry has spun and taken momentum, it's been misconstrued and now there are those that I report to who are going to think that I have jumped the chain of command.
I realize I now have defuse this and put it back in the context in which it was sent and how it was meant. I hit reply (not to all but only to her), thank her for checking on my inquiry, mention that I was just trying to think "out of the box" and it never hurts to ask a question. I finish with a light-hearted line or two about the upcoming holiday, wish her well and hit send.
My need to let this employee ,who I asked the question about, in on the email so he isn't blind-sided by his manager and higher up's is now my priority. I copy him on the entire string of emails, apologizing basically and telling him I wasn't sure why the email had to be passed around but here is what my email has done. My friend (this same employee) then walks in from his lunch and has just read my email to him and says to not worry about it that no one will remember by tomorrow. But I feel horrible! What if his manager thinks this was his idea, that he isn't focused on his job, but wanting to dibble dabble in our office? I feel tears welling up in my eyes because I would never want to put anyone in that position, much less a friend. I go sit back at my desk.
At this point my manager walks in because he was just emailed by his manager, who is on vacation mind you. He is told that although this may have been an innocent question, he now needs to address to his team (me and the people in my office) that all inquiries like this need to go through him. See, I knew this was coming when I opened up that email a while ago! Just knew it!
My last attempt to make things right is an email apologizing to my regional manager for putting him in a bad spot that I had only intended to ask a hypothetical question and only really expected back a polite yes, there were be no problem, or no, we would rather he not assist answer. Thankfully upon reading my email to him, he replied back to me that he knew my intentions were good, appreciated my passion for my job but to just be sure to run my ideas through my manager first. To say I felt a sense of relief is putting it mildly. Again you may be thinking...it was just an email question gone awry...but I over analyze each and everything I do. If my action causes another person grief in anyway, it bothers me and it bothers me a lot. I don't know if my friend will read this post or not, but if so, please know I am sorry (again).
Which leads me to my bigger question. Why do we (assuming anyone reading this does the same as me) make mountains out of mole hills? Why are we quick to forgive others but hold ourselves to an impossible standard and find it hard to forgive ourselves? This is something I struggle with a lot. Whenever another person "wrongs me" or makes a mistake that affects me and apologizes, I nearly 99% of the time tell them to forget about it...it was no big deal...we all make mistakes...don't you worry. Yet if it is me that makes the mistake or I "wrong" someone...Oh boy! I worry about it, think it over front and back, tell myself that I should've known better, etc. I guess I just need to learn the art of self-forgiveness, I am sure there is a book out there that I could read on that subject. Thanks for listening to me today.
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