Today my thoughts have been rallied around people, particularly those in my family. Over the holiday weekend, my last living grandparent passed away. Grandma Essie was 96 years old. It was a sad realization to me to have that thought...my last grandparent died. On one hand it was a sad day, knowing that my dad lost his mother. My dad doesn't grieve well, that is all I will say about that. On the other hand, I didn't shed a tear, I felt no loss of family companionship or history.
Nearly my entire extended family on both my mother and father's sides of the family are essentially incommunicado. I don't want to give the impression that no one speaks to anyone else at all, but on a whole, I couldn't tell you who is on speaking terms and who isn't. Nor do I know the reason why, how it started, how long it has gone on or how long it will last? Even those who dearly love one another don't seem to take the time to visit, share holidays, stay in touch or act as if they belong to a part of a much larger family.
Most of my family; aunts, uncles, cousins, cousins-children - I haven't seen for the better part of my life and in some cases ever. I have cousins I don't know about, don't know their name, what they look like...anything. There are aunts and uncles I haven't seen since I was 15 or 16 years old (nearly 30 years) who I have bumped into in grocery stores, gas stations, etc. I recognize them because they have always been adults my entire life, but they haven't recognized me. I have stood directly behind them in a checkout line and not said a word and let them walk out a complete stranger. Usually I phone my mother and tell her of my recent "spotting" but that is it. Are there other families out there that are like this? Certainly my dysfunctional family is not the only nut in the bowl? Why is it that families just stop? Stop caring enough to visit or call?
There are those in my family who I wouldn't wish to re-establish contact with for reasons I shall not name, but there are some who I long to have as a part of who I am. The past cannot be undone, time will not turn back no matter how we wish it would, but the future is ours, it is mine to shape in the way I chose.
Facebook has made it so easy now to just drop a quick hello and although that doesn't solve the bigger issue, it is a start. It's one plank of a bridge that is being rebuilt as we walk across it. I have made one major reconnection in 2010 and feel that is just the start, it's like getting a taste of something sweet and wanting another bite. I want to fill up my photo album with smiling faces and memories to last me long after those we love so dear pass on.
Not saying I am inviting the whole clan over for a summer cookout, but ya know...maybe I will!
No comments:
Post a Comment